


I'm scared of many things

by who_seeks_shall_find



Series: Life as I see it [64]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, Family Feels, Love, Panic, Unresolved Tension, child services, post-season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 05:36:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15599445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_seeks_shall_find/pseuds/who_seeks_shall_find
Summary: The visit from child services pokes some painful memories and Felicity feels overwhelmed. She wants to be on her own for a while but Oliver won't let her.





	I'm scared of many things

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of a series about Oliver's imprisonment and a year after it. This drabble takes place after Oliver's imprisonment. He has been out of prison for 178 days.
> 
> The series will be updated once a day (if it's just possible). It's going to include 122 drabbles about Oliver, Felicity, William and other characters who are involved in their lives. It's going to take approximately four months to finish the series. The drabbles are linked to each other but they're NOT in a CHRONOLOGICAL order. That's why, there may also be gaps or blanks which are filled in later.
> 
> I wish that every character is respected without unnecessary hatred.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Felicity sat on the edge of the bed in their bedroom and tried to calm herself down. Social workers had paid them a visit a few hours earlier and she was still feeling overwhelmed. She had had to be alone for a moment. Her mind was racing and she felt like her memories were drowning her. She thought about her own childhood but also the possibility of losing William again. She had almost lost him when William’s grandparents had wanted to be his legal guardians while Oliver had still been in prison.

Felicity took a deep breath and tried to stop her thoughts from spiralling. She needed to find a way to calm herself down. William was safe in his bed and no one was going to take him from them. Oliver had assured her of that and Felicity wanted to believe him – she really did- but it was hard. Maybe they had dodged the bullet today but she wasn’t sure about tomorrow or in the near future. What if someone decided that she was unfit to be a parent? What of someone thought William wasn’t safe with Oliver and her?

The bedroom door opened but Felicity didn’t lift her gaze from her hands which were resting in her lap. Oliver stepped into the room hesitantly and he asked cautiously: “How are you, Felicity?”

Felicity’s eyes snapped at his and she wanted to laugh hysterically. She had no idea how she was doing. She was simultaneously feeling everything and nothing. Yet, her own thoughts and emotions were irrelevant compared to William’s well-being so she decided to ignore Oliver’s question. Instead, she asked: “How is William doing?”

Oliver rubbed his face with his hands and sighed deeply before answering: “I think he’s doing okay giving the circumstances. He wants to know who have made those ridiculous accusations. He’s also scared of someone taking him from us. I assured him that it’s never going to happen.”

Felicity nodded and she had to bite her bottom lip because she didn’t want to cry. Oliver frowned a bit as he saw his wife’s distress. He took a few long steps towards her and knelt down on the floor just right in front of her. He grabbed Felicity’s shaky hands and covered them with his own hands. He looked at her worriedly but she couldn’t even look at him in the eye.

Oliver squeezed her hands and pleaded with a growing concern: “Talk to me, hon.”

Felicity shook her head vigorously and she could feel her eyes welling with tears. Oliver cupped her jaw with one hand and said with alarm: “Please. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.”

She took a deep breath that she exhaled slowly. She tried to regain her composure but she failed miserably when her tears started streaming down her cheeks. She felt like she needed to get out of the house. She needed to be alone for a moment and clear her mind. 

Felicity turned to face Oliver. She could see how worried he was and she tried to plaster an encouraging smile on her face. Oliver shook his head and said quietly: “Don’t.”

The smile fell from Felicity’s face as Oliver continued: “Please, don’t do that. I want to know what’s really going on. I’m your husband and you don’t have to hide what you’re actually feeling.”

Felicity nodded and took a ragged breath. She blurted out: “I think I need to go.”

“Go? Where?” Oliver asked with confusion. 

“Out,” Felicity simply answered and Oliver frowned. He opened his mouth a few times but sound didn’t follow. 

Finally, he stated: “I’m coming with you.”

“Oliver…” Felicity started tiredly but she didn’t know how to finish the sentence. She didn’t want to argue about this but she needed more time to be alone and get her mind clear. She knew how worried Oliver was and he probably needed her but she couldn’t offer him what he needed right now.

Oliver laced his fingers through Felicity’s and said: “I know I should let you go if you want to be alone but I can’t. I simply can’t, Felicity. First, I need to know what’s going on here.”

Oliver pointed Felicity’s forehead with his finger and Felicity gave him a small smile. She wasn’t sure how to explain what she was feeling. She sighed and abruptly started speaking: “When I was a kid and my father left, I was once taken to talk with a school psychology. I guess someone had told my teacher about my father leaving and she just wanted to help me so she sent me to see a psychology.”

Then Felicity took a deep breath before continuing: “Anyways, I was taken to meet the psychology and he asked many questions and I answered them. Then he plainly asked whether my mom sold herself as a hooker. We’re living in Vegas and she worked late at night after all.”

Oliver squeezed Felicity’s hand and asked: “Why did he ask that?”

Felicity shrugged and answered: “I guess he wanted to know if my safety was compromised. Maybe he thought my mom would bring her clients to our house - which she didn’t do because she wasn’t a hooker.”

A tear dropped on her cheek as she said: “The question stuck with me and sometimes I thought about the possibility of my mom being a hooker. I hate to admit but it changed how I saw my mother. What if this changes how William sees me? What if he’s now wondering whether I cheat on you but he’s too afraid to ask? Did those questions scarred him for life?”

“Oh, hon,” Oliver answered and rose to his feet before sitting down beside her on the edge of the bed. He pulled her into his arms and Felicity buried her face in his chest. Oliver stroked her hair as he said: “I’m sure William won’t see you differently and he won’t think any less of you.”

“I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m failing him,” Felicity mumbled against Oliver’s shoulder and sniffled.

“Why do you think you’re failing him?” Oliver asked sounding surprised because he didn’t understand what Felicity was talking about.

Felicity started playing with the collar of Oliver’s shirt as she told him about her fears: “When you were in prison, William was the one who kept me going. I was strong because of him although I wasn’t a perfect parent. I even forgot his birthday.”

“It’s understandable, Felicity” Oliver said and tried to make her feel better.

Felicity shook her head and ignored Oliver’s words. She went on: “William’s grandparents didn’t want me to be his parent. Apparently, someone else also thinks so too. What if he is taken from us because my incompetence?”

“Whoa, Felicity. I think we need to stop right here. Now you’re just silly. William’s grandparents were just worried about him after my reveal and you two disappearing when you went to the protective custody. This anonymous tip, on the other hand, is just ridiculous. Someone is just trying to make our lives harder. It has nothing to do with you. You’re never incompetent,” Oliver said and held her tighter against his chest.

“Being a parent is so hard and difficult,” Felicity murmured and wiped her tears away from her cheek. Then she went on quietly: “I wasn’t ready to be a single parent and I questioned myself a lot when you went to prison. I was horrified and scared and I had no one to share it with. William became my lifeline and after losing you, I decided to protect him with everything I’ve got. When I just think about someone taking him from us, I want to run away and take you and William with me. I want to protect him from everything and I need him to see me as the same Felicity I have always been.”

“I’m so sorry for everything,” Oliver whispered and pressed his lips on the top of her head. 

“I know that, Oliver,” Felicity said and touched his cheekbone with her fingertips. She sighed deeply and huffed out: “I don’t even know why I got so upset today. I had so many fears and they all were resurfacing at the same time. Suddenly, my mind was spiralling and nothing made sense anymore.”

Oliver smiled at her softly and protectively placed his hand on the back of her head. Felicity clutched to his shirt and Oliver held her silently for a while. Then he murmured into her ear: “You’re an amazing mother and William loves you. I know what it is like to question yourself…”

Felicity snorted at his words and said: “I think you’re holding the world record.”

Oliver chuckled softly and went on more seriously: “I know what it’s like to question yourself but I need you to know that you have no reason to do so. You’re a brilliant and loving parent and wife. You’re also so loved. William loves you. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Felicity whispered and closed her eyes as she leaned on Oliver’s touch. She wanted to believe his words. She needed to believe his words.

**Author's Note:**

> Update for tomorrow:  
> Felicity talks to herself and her boys find it cute.


End file.
